01042020 0833

I'm not sure if it's okay to be with someone with a different lifestyle, different opinion, and a different view. Sometimes you can't cope with them, the difference only to hurt you, to make you angry, to make you sad. Which makes it important to be tolerant. But what if you've done with the tolerance? What if you get tired of sweeping it all away?
Some say having a partner with a different view can save you from acting stupid. Yeah, agree with it somehow. Cause, after all, a great relationship is like a jigsaw puzzle. They are all in different shapes but they fit together. BUT,

what if the puzzle doesn't actually fit?

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20012020 0858

This is where it starts. He made mistake. I got mad. I said sorry for getting mad. He got comfortable. He stepped on the line. He blamed me for every single things. Toxicity. Yup. 

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02012020-1045

F,

I think I can live with your shit. I won't run away this time. I love you. Give me time for adaption. 

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01012020-2137

Sich zu verlieben ist nicht so einfach, wie sie es in Liebesliedern darstellen.

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Border Angels Quote

Life was a parachute jump, she told herself: you just had to hold your nerve -

Border Angels, Anthony J. Quinn

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01012020-1153

Entering 2020 with a new people. Yet I'm not sure will that new person be the same person next year. Well, not a surprise though, I never be sure of anything. 

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31122019-1229

It's such a disheartening to know kids gained bad experience and bad lessons from their own parents. Weren't parents supposed to illustrate good things, tell good things, teach good lessons, give great experience, say good things to their children. What's the point of being a parent then? 

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Monster

I always have this what-if thoughts in my head. It's like a monster. The monster that controls my mind, instead of scaring me. The monster that keep telling me bad things, making me overthinking, inviting a bad thoughts into my brain.

The monster that ruined everything. My vibe, my friendship, my relationship, my confidence, my self-esteem. EVERYTHING. And the worst thing is, I can't get away from it because it has been a part of me. Since forever. 

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Don't wanna pour the gasoline

So I've been facing some crisis this whole. Yup it's been prolonged for over a year. Or maybe longer. I can't recall lol. It's just a small misunderstood though but yeah you know when you got issues with girls, no matter how small the matter is, it's still as big as a mountain. We make a mountain out of a molehill #typicalgirls

via GIPHY

And certain people be like - they started first, you should do something don't just do nothing and keep quiet. They say I'm too kind

via GIPHY

Well, no, I don't want to. Yup, they're obviously tryna pick a fight. But I don't wanna get into the fight. Letting them fight alone is fun though. They're neither win nor lose yet they keep trying to pick a fight like a dumb. Lol. I swear it's funny. I didn't do nothing, this is what I do, making them look stupid 😆

The thing is,

I don't wanna be like them. They ain't worth my time. Guess I'm rational enough not to waste my time after them.

And I don't wanna exaggerate things. Let it be as it is. I am not a coward or something, I just don't wanna pour the gasoline.

via GIPHY

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I can finally breathe

Hey yaa,

It's been five months since my last post. Been coping with so many things lately. My family and I moved into a new house at the end of January, right after I finished my final examination of semester 5. So many things to do back then. Gotta clean the house, babysit the two babies, unpack things, helping my dad with the drilling works etc. And of course, as a typical girl, I got a lot of clothes, scarf, handbags, novels etc etc etc. Life was really tiring back then. And the semester break only lasted for three weeks. I got three weeks to settle up everything.

The new semester started, and it was semester 6. Guess what it means? It means that we had to do our theory part of final year project. Everything is so new to me. Like wth is literature review? How to make an introduction? Methodology? Wth is that? And there's some issues at the very the first start. I had to find the new supervisor since the old one was going to pursue his study. I knew it at the very last minute. How fucked up I was at the moment. Thank God I got to find the one on the same day. The issues were not just that. My fyp title was redundant with my friend. And we're under the same supervisor. I had already made the research about that title. All that efforts had to go down the dumps. So the current supervisor gave me the one title and I had to start all over again. Do some studies, dig the internet etc etc etc. Damn.

Coping with fyp is so tiring, mentally and physically. I don't even have time to pay attention to the other subjects. I lost track. Seriously. My spirit was so down, my social life is suffering, I stopped talking with everyone, I stopped eating, I lose weight (am 32 kgs now. I lose 5 kgs), I lose sleep. I'd been in that condition for months. I don't even have time to breathe.

My stress level rose with the last minute assignment. Sir, not all student do the assignment at the last minute. Why did you do this to me?? It was a deathly semester I swear. Everything, everyone seems to want me dead. And of course the group members who want to do the assignment at the very eleventh hour although the work had been assigned at the early of the semester. Crap!

I should've been paying attention to final examination now instead of coping the assignment. Nevertheless, glad that some of the work had been done and submitted. I can finally breathe now.

Here's an advice:

You are allowed to occupy yourselves with any association, any organization, hold as many positions as you want, but please, do manage your time wisely. You gotta know how to prioritize your task. Don't ever troubled the other group members, waiting for you to finish your task.

Another advice:

Please please please be responsible to your task. Don't simply copy and paste the content directly from the internet or journals etc etc etc and ask the person who compiles the work to rephrase the content. And, there are so many ways to improve your English, please do so. Don't use "aku ni orang kampung je, tak reti sangat bahasa inggeris"  as an excuse. It's lame. You can't just send your work at the very last minute and ask the compiler to proofread and rephrase the content. 

Out of all those issues, I'm grateful that I have a few people around me who lift my spirits up, who hear me whining, who give me support, who spend their time with me so that I can unwind my stress. Thanks a lot to Hafizan who will always wish me luck (although it's already been too late lol hahaha), my sisters who always hear me complaining about my unfortunate life and my parents with their last minute support (I thought they're not going to care, but they did although it was last minute) and endless du'a.

Lastly, I have upcoming stories to share with you guys. I hang up with some of my friends, Dibah, Hafizan and Bawie. I'll write the stories later. GTG, gotta send my brother off to the hostel.

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Its 2018

Hi everyone.

So,
It's new year. New months. New week. New resolution. New chances. New spirit.

I wish all of you achieve all the resolutions that you've made for this years. May those who's been

• wishing to lose weight
• wishing to gain weight (like me)
• wishing to be beautiful
• wishing to be better
• wishing to achieve more victory than the last year
• wishing to change their life
• wishing to leave all of negative vibes, negative habit, negative things
• wishing to be happy
• wishing to make other people happy
• wishing to be kind
• wishing to be helpful
• wishing to be successful
• wishing to live happily ever after with the love of their lives
• wishing to move on

got their wishes come true. My pray goes to all of you. May this year be yours.

_________________________________________

I neither have any resolutions nor wishes. I prefer to go with the flow. (so demotivated) I don't even do any reflections. lol. But yeah, I'm still keeping my pace, doing my very best in everything that I do, still that perfectionist bitch, and still short for sure.

Having resolutions quite stressing actually that I got down the dumps whenever I've failed to achieve it. Idk. It's what I've been thinking. Not having resolutions doesn't mean I don't achieve more. Actually, I'm better without resolutions. I don't set a limit for myself. Well, people are born to be different right. Everyone got their new resolution doesn't mean I gotta have one too. Whatever it is, I wish we all can do better in whatever things that we're working on so that we can achieve our goals. List azam tahun baru panjang berjela tapi takde usaha nak capai azam tu tak guna jugak kan.


So this morning, I've been comparing my life with the others. I'm turning 22 this year. Orang lain umur 22 dah jaga suami meanwhile I umur 22 still jaga adik, main dengan adik adik, bergaduh dengan adik, gallery phone banyak gambar adik, malam tadi sambut tahun baru dengan tidurkan adik, pagi tadi marah adik sebab buat perangai, mandikan adik, adik adik adik and adik. lol. And not to forget, struggling with my degree. Tak tahu mana lagi kesian, muda muda dah kena jaga suami or dah 20++ tapi belum jumpa jodoh. hahah

Nevertheless, those are blessings. Getting married at tender age is blessing. You got to spend more time with your spouse, you got someone to love and someone that loves you. You got a bestfriend and also a homie. You got someone to be taken care of and someone that takes care of you. Someone to give your heart and soul to and someone that gives their heart and soul to you.

Babysitting baby brothers is a blessing to. Everything that happens in our lives is a blessing. Got to pursue my degree is a blessing too. Having my parents around is a blessing too. (Got to spend my dad's money is a super blessing). I'm grateful with what I'm having now. Not to found my soulmate yet is a blessing too. I don't have to make efforts, I don't have to get my heart broken, I don't have to make any commitment with anyone.

Everything seems to have their pros and cons. You just gotta open up your heart.

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Shawl Tutorial

So I'd been asked how to style my shawl like this

So here's a tutorial.

Basically, this is my very first video. There might be some flaws in that video, so I'm sorry. And regarding that video too, if you like to leave some comment, do leave it here in the comment section or maybe you can DM via my twitter account or instagram ( @_nadhirahfatin ) or directly text me if you got my number. Lol

And I'm not going to upload this video at my social media. It's kind embarrassing actually that I have to wait for time when no one at home. Lol.

And if you actually enjoy reading my blog, and watching my video, THANKS A LOT. I LOVE YOU GUYSS. MUAHH CIKEDD 💋 💋 

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#TipsNanadh

So let's talk about moving on shall we?

Idk what move on actually is. But there are a few things that you can do (what I do and it works) to stop crying after that guy/girl.

1. I am a Muslim. So I recited Yasin, praying so that Allah removes that feeling towards him. Doing so makes me feel calm.

2. I accept the fact that our path didn't cross each other anymore. Maybe his presence just to give some experience, some life lessons. Maybe he weren't meant to stay in life forever.

3. I have flaws. Maybe I'm not the perfect one, not what he wants. So yeah gotta let him go though. He deserves someone better than me.

4. I still have a longggg wayyyyy to go. I believe that I'll discover new person, making some new memories with that new person. And just like him, that new person maybe would leave me too. It's a part of growing up I guess. But don't worry there's always a hope. I'll meet the right guy eventually.

5. I love him because I thought he love(d) me. Turns out it is all just a lie. So yeah there's no reason to love him anymore.

6. Whenever I started to feel sad, I'll recite al Fatihah and ayatul Qursi. Those sad feelings are just bisikan syaitonirojim.

7. That guy is a whole new one. He's no longer the one that I used to know. So to me, he's just a stranger. I treat him like a friend now.

Nevertheless, NEVER EVER FIND ANOTHER GUY/GIRL JUST TO FORGET YOUR EX. Don't break others heart just because yours had been broken. Don't use other people just to wash away your sadness, your loneliness. Do your own recovery. Make yourself happy. Goodluck !!

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Midnight Thought: Picket White Fence

When you do something sincerely, every single day, it will become your nature. And you just can't stop doing it even when things change. Cause it has been a part of your life, a part of yourself precisely. Not doing it makes your life incomplete.

I'm still wondering about him. What did he do, where were him. And no, this is ain't love. It is a habit. Checking on him is my hobby. I don't feel the same anymore. But still I wanna know how he's doing. Cause I can't find the reason of not doing it. It is sincerity that leads me to do those things, not love.

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Late night thought

I found it hard to search for someone who can love you truly, sincerely. Someone who can accept you as you are, your flaws. Someone who thinks you are lovable even when they had saw you during your worst time. Someone who still wanna be with you even you are at your lowest point.

And I'm still figuring out if there is someone who can accept me as I am. Accept all my flaws. Idk. Sometimes my flaws can be a big deal to everyone. I'm clumsy, I'm forgetful, I'm childish, I'm immature. They can't accept that. They can't even accept my physical. Yeah sape je nak perempuan pendek ni. Dah la tak berapa cerah. Muka macam macam budak. Leulssssss.........

And if you can find one, please do your best to keep him/her. You might not find another. Do your full effort to make them happy, cherish them, appreciate them. AND DON'T EVER LET THEM GO.

Goodnight <3 p="">

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Am so fucked up

Fighting with emotion is damn tiring. It's like you are on a battle but your opponent is something that can't be seen. Abstract. I lose appetite and consequently lose weight just because of I can't control my emotion. I shouldn't let my emotion be in my way. It makes me lose myself. I'm so stressed out, so fucked up. I can't even focus during classes. I don't talk too much. I can't enjoy my day. I keep counting sheep at nights too. There's too many things in my mind, I overthink. And I keep crying every single night. I feel like there's no one cares of me, nobody loves me. I push everyone away. I keep my distance from everyone. I feel useless. I'm so down. So blue. I get mood swing. I get over-sensitive. I easily get annoyed with almost everything. I need help =(

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Insecurities

One side of me feels good with myself, in love with myself, way too confidence with myself, not feeling insecure at all. Yup I'm pretty and cute in my own way. I don't even mind to go out with bare face.

Another side of me feels like I'm the ugliest person ever exist on earth. Sometimes I wonder why did I exist to be ugly. Why can't I be effortlessly beautiful like the others. Life would be much easier that way.

And,
How I wish to have a full table of makeup sets. So that I can be more beautiful. Leulss. Walaweyh insecure sampai rasa nak beli makeup weyh. Padahal selama ni rajin beli lipstick je sebab bibir pucat. Hahah

me wearing shawl with heavy make up

me wearing tudung bawal with heavy make up

me with light make up

my naked face 😂😂

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#TipsMommyNadh

The easiest way to put the babies on a sleep is by letting them play around and getting tired by themselves. They'll fall asleep by themselves. Sometimes you don't even have to put much effort to put them on a sleep.

The hardest part is when they are already tired and sleepy and they don't wanna go to sleep but throwing tantrum instead. You gotta calm them down and calm yourself too :')

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Missing

Self confidence aku lately ni rendah betul. Rasa rendah diri tu lagi rendah dari diri aku sendiri. Idk why. Idk what makes me feel this way. I even feel insecure. With almost everyone. Aku tak pernah pun rasa insecure sebelum ni unless kalau nampak pondan lawa. Sekarang ni rasa tak lawa sangat, rasa macam aku tak penting sangat, rasa aku tak bernilai sangat, rasa macam aku ni tak patut wujud. Entahlah kenapa.

Scroll timeline twitter, instagram then nampak perempuan lawa automatic aku jadik stress. Padahal sebelum ni aku adore perempuan cantik. I even changed my whatsapp profile picture. Aku letak gambar tengkorak. Then pakwe aku tanya kenapa letak gambar tengkorak. Aku jawab tengkorak tu lagi lawa daripada aku. Dia iya kan. Lagi laaaa aku rasa tak lawa :((((((

Twitcon dengan instagram profile picture pun aku tukar. Letak gambar aku dari belakang so that tak nampak muka. Weyh nampak dress kembang kembang kat twitter pun aku macam "bila lah aku nak tinggi, boleh pakai dress kembang cenggitu" "sedihnya jadik pendek" "kalau aku pakai dress macam tu mesti nampak buruk gila". Lagi tambah insecure bila pakwe aku tweet "sneakers user is bae". Aku pendek woiii, takkan nak jalan dengan dia pakai sneakers. Aku pakai sneakers time pegi kelas, time jalan dengan kawan kawan  je. Tak pernah pakai sneakers depan dia. Pakai mekap pun aku taknak sekarang sebab fikir aku ni pakai mekap ke tak pakai mekap ke mesti muka nampak buruk jugakk.

WHY NADH WHYYYY

Pakwe aku pun aku selalu halau dia. Told him to do other things other than texting me. Sebab rasa macam aku ni tak penting pun kalau nak compare dengan benda lain, macam kawan dia, family dia, dota, etc. Bukan dia yang buat aku rasa macam tu, aku sendiri yang tak memasal rasa macam tu. Rasa macam aku ni selalu buat dia stress, pening, susahkan hidup dia. Video call dengan dia pun aku taknak sebab rasa macam muka aku buruk gila, tak selfie pastu send kat dia macam selalu. Sebab aku rasa muka aku buruk gila, malu nak tunjuk kat dia. Leullsss. Pastu sedih sendiri because I really crave for his attention. Padahal aku yang halau dia. Leulsssss lagi sekali......

Dulu, muka aku mengelupas pun aku still ada very high confidence level. Tak rasa malu pun nak keluar. Aku tak tahu la aku punya rasa yakin tu tercicir kat mana. Tetiba je takde. POOF!! Hilang. Rasa rendah diri, tak yakin tu sampai rasa macam aku ni tak wujud pun takpe. Kenapa eh?

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The Master Key

Hi there,

How are you? Hope you're doing fine and being happy with your loved ones.

So here I have something to share with you guys. Something that I learned. I just learned actually. But maybe it sounds lame and boring to you guys lol

It's about COMMUNICATION.

Being in relationship makes me realize that communication is everything, regardless the feeling that we both share. Loving someone, being in relationship with them is useless without communication. Even your very first step to get to know him/her needs communication. You confess your feelings to them needs communication. You want them to be your partner needs communication. You need to speak and it is a communication.

It become more and more important when you both started to be serious. Don't just keep everything to yourself. You got problem, tell your partner then. Don't just act differently and expect them to understand you. You don't feel good with them, tell them. You need to discuss something with them, go on then. You want them to treat you the way you want, tell them. You want them to buy fancy clothes for you, ask for it. Don't just giving hint or keeping it to yourself. It won't work. Some people are born not to be understanding.

Communication is always the key to everything. Key to happiness. Key to have a good life. Key to joy and peace. Not using it will only lead you to misery.

Lacking of communication can actually ruins your relationship. You both get misunderstood, you don't make things clear, your partner become overthinking, they create something that don't even exist, you fight with them and eventually ........... .

Well, communication not just important in relationship, but in everything. Friendship, family, partnership, grouping, etc. Don't make the ship wrecked.

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