I've been living a sad life this past few weeks. It feels like the whole world is against me. Or is it me against them? idk. I suddenly stop talking to everyone. It is sick to death y'know. It is sick to not talking to everyone, to keep everything by your own. It does. And it is killing me. I feeling skipping this part and move to another part of my life where it could be much happier.
Society sucks. Or precisely, my social life is suck. I always don't get well with people. I tried to fit in, tried to mingle around but yeah you know, when people keep showing and making it obvious that they don't like you, you gotta walk away somehow. So that is what I did. I walked away from my housemates. I push them away. I stop talking to them, I stop cooking for them (they never like it anyway). I locked myself in my room all day long. And it is sucks. Cause I always love them. Even sometimes they been bitter to me.
I NEED A FRIEND
Well sometimes I get envy with those people who got friend for life. Someone that they can stick up to. Someone that hear your make stupid jokes and laugh at it. Someone that you can share about how was you day going.
But yeah, reminiscing my past when I always end up pushing people away, I think that I better shouldn't have ones. It's bad to have temporary friends. I'm done with those "people come and go" things. They keep leaving empty space in my life. There's hole everywhere.
My biggest problem is I don't always fit in. Imma weirdo. And kinda sensitive too. I take people jokes way to seriously. I even cry when they call me names. And I always end up walking away from people.
In whole life, based on what I observed, I can't be too close with a friend. I'll ended up stop talking to them, walking away from them, and eventually we become strangers. I'll give you a name. It's Umi Aisyah. I wonder where's she now, what's she doing, how was her life. It's been a while since we both talk. She was the one who avoiding me first. Then I guess she didn't wanna be friend with me anymore. So I walked away. And there's another one. Syamimi Zakaria. We used to be best buddy during our first semester here. Now we ended like a stranger. It is all because she got a new friend.
Then my roommate, Firuz Farhana. Idk what happened actually but suddenly we stop talking. And she's still my roommate. I haven't talk to her like for months already. I always hate her being so judgmental and paranoid. She judges me by my tweets. And I guess she still do. But then I had Syafika Najihah and Kua Ning Way which we ended up the same too. Ika was mad at me cause I accidentally picked her wet laundry, and since that day she started slamming the door, stamping her feet etc which makes my sensitive heart cried actually. I felt guilty for making her mad that I stop talking to her. Ning Way, Idk how it happens actually.
And yeah I almost forgot about my friends in matrik. Well the stories are the same. First we'd been so close, then we stop talking then we become stranger.
Well, I don't blame them. It is all my fault, I don't fit in, like I said. My social life is suffer since I was small.
Nevertheless, I'm grateful to have that one guy that still be friend with me for years now. It's Hafizan Hakimin. But he's not here. And I often feel lonely. And I miss him sometimes. He's the only friend that I can tell almost everything, that I can be myself with, that get my stupid jokes. And I hope we don't end up like me with the others too. It is way too scary to imagine...
And also, I have Adibah who always be there for me whenever I'm down. She senses it through my tweets and always asks me whether I'm okay or not. Talking to her is so relieving. It's like having a sister.
Well people said, "count your blessings, not your problem". I'm grateful to have those people that I don't get along well so that I can appreciate the people that stick together with me. I'm glad that out of those problem, I'm still able to look at the bright side.
 |
| And hey look, I still got flowers blossom around my head |
No comments:
Post a Comment
leave your comment here.thanks.